My stupid little fantasy

Sometimes you think you know exactly what you're getting (and not getting) out of an experience. Six months I've been living here, and I've done and seen so little, compared to those six months I spent in Spain. All I've discovered here is that I'm a closet workaholic and that being Indian does not mean your stomach is made of adamantium.

In a moment of bitterness a few weeks ago, I wrote to a friend:

Ah well, maybe I'm meant to be an instrument for helping other people figure out their lives and feelings while never figuring out my own.

But I forgot to zoom out! I forgot that I'm answering the biggest "What if?" of my life just by being here. It's an entirely passive method of self-discovery, but effective nonetheless. I didn't recognize it, because I thought self-discovery only happened on trains in Spain.

Before, I imagined the kind of person I could have been if I had never left. Now I see a city full of women that I am never going to be...women that I don't want to be.

My stupid little fantasy of coming back here and living the life I'd imagined and coveted for 15 years fell away so quickly. There's just as much to dislike here as there is in the United States. And everywhere, without exception, people are full of shit. That's all I needed to know!

Not a bad place to wait out the rainstorm.

My parents' home as a young married couple is now a Chinese restaurant. Cool!

Pollution makes for a beautiful sky
in Bangalore, just like in Bakersfield.

Sometimes you realize you've been really silly for 15 years and you just want to laugh :)