Tomorrow, I start a new job. I am trying not to use the word "dread." I'm anxious and agitated. I think I know why.
When I was in my early 10s, I dreaded (...) getting injections. I would screw my eyes shut and wait for the sting of the needle piercing into my shoulder. Then during one visit to the physician, I sat on the examination table, as the nurse swabbed and prepped my arm. I closed my eyes tightly and waited. And waited...and then I heard her say, "Keep your eyes open, so that your brain can throw out some visual sensors. If your eyes are closed, all your focus will be on the flesh."
My last two "first days at work" were hugely overshadowed by being in a new country, distracted by new modes of transport, new cities, and new languages. My anxiety was spread across so many different things that could go wrong, and work was only one of them.
My new job is in Bakersfield. I'm living at home, I have the car, I know how to drive, I know the route, I know the language. So all my nerves are focused on the job and the workplace. Will someone want to eat lunch with me? How can I have a Master's degree and not really know how to send a fax?
After Spanish siestas and Indian Standard Time, American punctuality scares me. In the past 3 months, my biggest worries were: baking temperatures, "Game of Thrones," the smelliness of my compost bin, and using cilantro before it goes bad (I made a great salad dressing). My time was all mine.
But it will be okay! I'll take my first grown-up paycheck, and buy myself something(s) nice.
When I was in my early 10s, I dreaded (...) getting injections. I would screw my eyes shut and wait for the sting of the needle piercing into my shoulder. Then during one visit to the physician, I sat on the examination table, as the nurse swabbed and prepped my arm. I closed my eyes tightly and waited. And waited...and then I heard her say, "Keep your eyes open, so that your brain can throw out some visual sensors. If your eyes are closed, all your focus will be on the flesh."
My last two "first days at work" were hugely overshadowed by being in a new country, distracted by new modes of transport, new cities, and new languages. My anxiety was spread across so many different things that could go wrong, and work was only one of them.
My new job is in Bakersfield. I'm living at home, I have the car, I know how to drive, I know the route, I know the language. So all my nerves are focused on the job and the workplace. Will someone want to eat lunch with me? How can I have a Master's degree and not really know how to send a fax?
After Spanish siestas and Indian Standard Time, American punctuality scares me. In the past 3 months, my biggest worries were: baking temperatures, "Game of Thrones," the smelliness of my compost bin, and using cilantro before it goes bad (I made a great salad dressing). My time was all mine.
But it will be okay! I'll take my first grown-up paycheck, and buy myself something(s) nice.
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| Cilantro dressing. |
